We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
