His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
