I hate all girls vehemently.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
