I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm getting married
To pizza
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
