I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
