Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
