I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just gargled with NyQuil
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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