Yo dont text me then not text me
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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