i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
