he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
