Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
