you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
