I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
