...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
pop tarts are not kleenex
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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