the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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