What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
