Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
