he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize