so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
