So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
