Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
