I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
