Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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