Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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