You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
