I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
