i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
