Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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