Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
