You just made me feel so damn special
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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