I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
