how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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