I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
So vagazzling was a success
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
