We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
