she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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