I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
