I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
