if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
