I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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