I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
