I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
