Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Shame - the story of my life.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
