I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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