Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I believe in your delicious
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
