i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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