hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
