ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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