There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
