Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
