this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
