Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
