I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
