I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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