Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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