HIV tests are more positive than that guy
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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