I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
