we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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