WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
