that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
