so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
FUCK WHALES
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