he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
