every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
