I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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