Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
