Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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