Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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