if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
