You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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