Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
