Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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