her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
