half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
