Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
