So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
