I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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