OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
